Sharing Our Story...

We recently had the chance to share our adoption story on the show "100 Huntley Street" and we wanted to post the link for people to view online. Check it out and feel free to share. We hope that it encourages you!

Of Grace and Miracles

There are times in life when you look back and realize that you were part of a miracle...that you're part of a chapter that was written long before the world began...that's how the last year has felt like. I can't believe that I'm writing these words but it's true...we've been able to adopt a beautiful little girl...words can't describe the pure joy that we experienced the first time we held her in our arms...I think another term to describe it would be Grace. Unmerited favour...getting something that you don't deserve. To dream and hope and pray...and finally have the dream come true. Grace is now a part of her name...Chloe Grace Willoughby. Grace...as Bono once sang: "Grace...it's a name for a girl...it's also a thought that changed the world."

Well, Chloe Grace has definitely changed out world. From the first moment she dropped into our lives we became a part of a new story...we were now parents...we now had the privilege and the responsibility of raising a child in this world. In a world where war rages and bombs fall on the innocent...we had been given a gift...a gift of grace. The first morning that we woke with this beautiful girl beside us we knew that we would do everything we possibly could to protect her...to provide for her...to keep her safe...every instinct is suddenly tuned to the sound of her voice.

In the coming year we'll blog more about the process of adopting that we've been through as a couple. Now that the adoption is official and we've had some time to simply be we now feel it's time to do so. Maybe our story will encourage others...maybe it will challenge someone to take that step of faith...to step into grace...to start believing in miracles...

Meditations on gift giving...and receiving

With Christmas behind us, I was recently doing some reflecting on the whole idea of giving and receiving gifts. There's a great story that C.S. Lewis tells in his book Mere Christianity that examines this. His story is about a small child who wants to buy a present for his father, but must ask his father for the money first. When the son presents the gift to his dad, of course the father is pleased...but he is also "sixpence none the richer" since he had to pay for the gift in the first place. When we talk of doing anything for God...or giving anything as a gift, I guess that's what it is really like...we give our best gifts...but really, can we claim any ownership to the gifts we are giving? Can we claim any ownership to the gifts we receive?

I've been pondered this story quite a bit lately...recently Amanda and I moved into a beautiful new home...we are renting the home...it is not ours, but we have been entrusted with taking care of it. It seems that this kind of thing keeps happening to us lately...and I'm realizing that it's for a reason...we're learning how to hold on to things lightly...we're learning how to be thankful for what we have without saying "This is mine!"

During the process of adoption you slowly realize how powerless you are to "force" things to happen...and you begin to realize how much you will be entrusted with when you are finally able to adopt...and so much of it depends on the willingness of a stranger to simply give...someone that we don't know who somewhere, right now may be making the choice that will change both of our lives...

The Waiting Game

The home-study was an interesting process...people ask about it, and this is how I describe it: "Imagine sitting down with a counselor and talking at length about your relationship as a married couple, then talking about your relationship with your parents, your siblings, your childhood, your philosophy of parenting, and then reviewing what you learned in the adoption education courses you had to take...and then talking about everything else in between." It was a very thorough process. Basically, the adoption agency needs to find out if you would be a healthy couple. They need to know if you would be good parents for a child - and also able to handle all the other realities that adoption brings. Personally, I think all parents should be required to go through a 'home-study' before they have kids!

The home-study took about 6 months...then, once we were approved by the agency we started working on our profile. What is a profile? Well, it's a document that summarizes who you are as a couple...it is what a birth mother sees when she goes to an adoption agency and starts looking at who she would like to adopt her child. It's almost like an 'advertisement' for who you are as a couple. Putting the profile together took a few more months...you want it to be an accurate reflection of who you are as a couple...who you are as human beings...and you want it to grab someone's attention. Once we finalized the profile and dropped it off at our agency, we were so excited and relieved...we had waited so long to get to this point...but now, there was nothing else we could really do other than to hope and pray...and wait some more.

Waiting is the hardest part...it's hard to wait for something that you've set your heart on...you want it to happen right away. But that's not always the case, is it? Usually there's a reason for having to wait for a dream to be fulfilled. You will learn to appreciate it more...you will grow stronger and more patient...sometimes there are more things that you need to learn before you get to the next step. In our case, we knew that we still had some fundraising to do - so we worked on putting together our first 'adoption fundraising event' in town. It was a great success, and a great encouragement to us as a couple. It also gave us a chance to share our story with others a little bit...we began to meet more people who had adopted, and many who were adopted themselves...we were also able to encourage others with our story. This was something that I would not have imagined a year before...at that point, the pain of infertility was too great and we were just trying to move forward as a couple. But now we at least had something to dream of...something to share with others...something to move towards...we had something to wait for...

Baby Steps...

Almost immediately our hearts were drawn to adopting a child from Africa. Why Africa? I think one of the reasons was because I grew up there until the age of 13. My parents were missionaries in Uganda and Kenya...and as I've journeyed through life here in North America, the years I spent there are still a big part of me. It's hard to explain...but there's a part of me that is intertwined with that continent...and now I felt like it was calling me back. What was really amazing was that Amanda was feeling drawn to adopting from Africa as well...even though she had never been there...she still felt the same pull that I did...

We started looking for adoption agencies that specialized in helping couples adopt internationally... and soon discovered that it was going to be a difficult and challenging road. There were a few countries in Africa that were open to international adoptions - but many had to close their doors due to lack of infastructure, war, and numerous other problems. We eventually discovered an agency called Sunrise Adoption in North Vancouver that had connections in Lesotho (a small country within the borders of South Africa) and we decided to meet with them and find out more information.

It was encouraging to meet with someone who wanted to help and was able to give us answers to a lot of questions that we had...and we soon found out some of the tough realities that we were going to face: It was going to be expensive...and it was going to take a long time. Because of the limited countries that are open in Africa, and due to the number of families wanting to adopt, there was a waiting list of at least 2 years. We would only be able to get on this waiting list after we had gone through a homestudy program that we would take through Sunrise. This homestudy would involve a lot of learning about what it means to adopt internationally, and all the things that we would need to prepare for to be ready to adopt a child. It would also include sessions with a social worker who would get to know us, interview us, and discover who we were as a couple. They wanted to know if we understood all the responsibilities that we were going to face. If we were accepted after this homestudy, we would then have to complete a profile of who we were as a couple. This profile would give the birth mother a good idea of who we were as a couple...and it was also a way for us to communicate to her our love for children, and how we would care for a child...

We realized that this was going to be a long journey...one that we would need to commit to...and one that would not be easy...but we both felt an overwhelming peace about it. Soon after, we decided that Sunrise was the agency that we should go with. We registered with Sunrise and began to take the necessary steps to begin our homestudy...

 

The Adventure Begins...

Our lives have changed...our priorities have changed. I realized that this morning as I was thinking about all the little things that my wife and I have been through this last year and a half. When we first heard the news from our doctor that we may never have 'biological' children of our own, we were suddenly faced with something that we never expected to go through as a couple.

What do you do as a couple when you are faced with something like this? What would you do? Well, you could spend a lot of time staring at the sky feeling sorry for yourself...asking "why me?" Or you could embrace it and say, "why not?"

"Why not?" Embrace the new circumstance that you've been thrown into. Open the door, and it will lead to something more grand than you ever could have imagined. Soon we were asking ourselves, "Why don't we adopt?!" We both love kids...we both love to travel and go on adventures together...and this definitely sounds like another big adventure to us.

How does this one begin? It begins with taking a step of faith and opening up your heart to new possibilities. To the idea that people are linked by more than just DNA. We're linked by love and compassion. The word 'family' is more than just who you grew up with. Your family are the ones you choose to love and surround yourself with. They are the ones you sacrifice for and the ones you will give anything for...the ones you would die for to protect from harm.

As we begin this journey toward adopting children of our own, we feel like we should share some of our struggles and sacrifices with you. This is what this blog is for. We pray that it will encourage and strengthen...that it will educate and also bring hope to you...